This song is currently on repeat. All because of this post - http://micams.tumblr.com/post/15566198254/youll-be-a-bitch-because-you-can. And even if the song's too sad, I still find my self listening to it over and over again. It somehow calms me, though I'm not sure why.

The first time I heard this was in SYTYCD (I know, late kung late. haha!). Katee and Joshua danced this piece and it was just oh-so-beautiful. Then I later found out that Wade Robson choreographed a routine for the whole song. I loved both dances to bits just like I love the song to death.

I'm so random today.

Good night world! :)

Feels like im losing my mind 
And I don't know what to do 
Seem like I run out of time 

I miss reading. 

I miss spending my spare time buried in a good book, without a care in the world. It's been a while since I've read something griping, that I simply can't put it down. Blame it to The Hunger Games trilogy.

I've been planning to read the series for the longest time. I remember a girlfriend of a friend of mine suggesting it, I think it was at that time that Mockingjay was just recently released. But then, I can't remember why, but I decided to put it off. It was only last week that I managed to (a) convert the Hunger Games pdf to doc, (b) transfer the doc copy to my phone, (c) read Hunger Games in 4 days tops, (d) download Catching Fire in pdf version, (e) convert to doc, (f) transfer to phone, (g) read Catching Fire over the weekend, (h) bought the third installment, Mockingjay, (i) read Mockingjay during Boni-day, and now I'm done. I think that was about 10 days, 10 days of slight insanity over the series. Every time I had the opportunity to read a couple of paragraphs, or even a few lines, I did; while waiting in line, during lunch time, before I slept, I just couldn't stop. 

I love it. I loved every part of it. And now that I'm done, I'm excited for the movie to come out next year. Gah! 

I hope I find another good book/series to read. Reading is really a more productive hobby for me. It keeps me off the Internet. Haha!

I've no doubt, there may be smiles but a few.
And when the tears have run out, we'll be numb and blue.

This has probably been the longest I've stayed at home on a weekend. But even with my dad's sax-playing, or his non-stop classical music playing, or the dogs barking, or my VD playlist on full-blast repeat, the house feels so empty. This is the first weekend I've spent at home, without Arvin and Christine, and it's just too quiet around here.

You know it's quite ironic. Back in highschool, I've imagined myself living on my own once I turned 25. For me, leaving home and having a place for myself was the true sign of independence. Of course, as you can see, I haven't done just that; not a step closer actually. When my brother left last summer, I was saddened, not because he was the first to leave, but because he was leaving for good. It's different, you know, not being able to see him everyday. It's hard not to worry about him. But then I still had Christine. I still had someone who I can drag to last full shows, or who can ask to buy stuff I forgot, or who I can argue with about random things, or who can check on me if I got home safely.

And now my sister's gone too. She took the job at Discovery Shores, Boracay last week. When my father told her she got to start somewhere, I didn't think she'd start somewhere far south. Pwede naman somewhere near na lang diba? But an opportunity like this doesn't come easily. And I'm so proud of her. I do worry about her, I worry about her a lot. Sometimes I find myself staring blankly at nothing, just thinking how she's doing, wondering if she's going to be ok. Last night, my dad was talking to her on the phone, when he forcefully handed me the phone so we could talk. I've been avoiding just that for the past days, I just couldn't bear hearing her voice and knowing that she's alone out there. But my dad insisted, so I took the call, and the minute she heard my voice, she broke down to tears, and it broke my heart. You know that feeling right? When you want to comfort someone but you can't because they're too far away from you. Of course, I couldn't cry, I couldn't show her that. So I assured her of how great her accomplishment was, how proud we are of her, and how we'll come see her soon. I'm missing her big time. You know what's different between Christine and our brother is that she's more like our "bunso" in the family. That's why we, even Arvin, worry about her. Parang feeling ko, hindi pa siya handa mag-isa, and that we left her to fight for her own, alone. Pero yun nga, she really has to start somewhere. Haaaaaaay.

My dad was asking my mom, paano daw kami sa Famealy Day (Sept. 26)? It feels weird na 3 na lng kami sa table kaninang lunch. I even had to wash the dishes today. I also did my father's laundry last week. Parang we're back to square one, that I'm the only kid at home. Dapat na rin ba akong humanap ng lugar na malilipatan. Dapat sa letter "B" rin naguumpisa. Bangladesh? Brunei? Bacolod? Bicol? Ah, alam ko na, Bukidnon na lang. HAHA!

My mom asked me, when my time comes, and I have to leave home too, will there be crying? Well, there will be tears, that's for sure.

...don't care 'bout that. 

08.10.11

...comes around.

I don't want to make the same mistake he did. But then why does this feel all too similar. Maybe I'm just over-thinking this, let's be logical Cams.